You’re engaged! Congratulations! Show off that ring, go out with your friends, and celebrate the big news! But once you do all of that, it’s now time for the real work to start. Meeting with different vendors, deciding where to have your reception, scheduling cake tastings, and flipping through an endless number of invitations will fill your brain with more options than you ever thought possible. There’s SO MUCH to decide on, and by now you’ve probably realized that these decisions can be pretty expensive.
Couples today are traditionally waiting longer to get married. They may have their own place, their own small appliances (no new blender needed here), and their own secure finances. For these couples, it may not be a stretch to have a few extravagant trimmings at their wedding. But in other situations, couples who are younger and may not have saved enough money could be looking for outside financiers to help with costs. That’s when Mom and Dad come in.
It’s no surprise that weddings are expensive, and the average cost varies from state to state. For instance, Bee Entertainment is based in Michigan and we do most of our work there. According to The Knot, the average cost of a wedding in Michigan is $29,700. We also travel to Illinois for weddings in the Chicago area, and the state average for weddings there is a whopping $39,700! These celebrations can often be completely cost prohibitive unless you have family chipping in. We all know money can be a touchy topic and everyone handles those discussions differently. So if it’s become clear that you won’t get the wedding you want unless you have outside financial help, you need to have that discussion very early in the planning process.
First, decide how much money your parents, or other outside sources, will contribute toward your wedding. Is this a loan or a no-strings-attached gift? Do they have strong opinions on how the wedding should be planned? Do they want to invite your third cousin that you’ve only met once? Do they want to invite children and you don’t? Deciding which things are important and coming to a common ground will require give and take from both sides, along with a big dose of respect. It’s very easy to let emotions get the best of you when talking about your wedding. Ultimately you want to be on speaking terms with your parents on your wedding day, so pick your battles wisely if they are helping you pay for the wedding of your dreams.
For the fortunate couples who are able to fund their own wedding, you may still run into a situation where you are faced with strong outside opinions or requests from family members. In this case, because you aren’t accepting money from anyone else, you have much more control over how your wedding plays out. If familial harmony is at stake, rethink how much you really need that one item causing all the division. Otherwise, state clearly and respectfully that this wedding is yours and you would like to plan it the way you and your fiancée see fit.
There are also cultural and religious considerations to keep in mind. In these cases, it is understood from day one that parents will have a say over certain parts of the wedding, regardless of whether or not they are contributing financially.
The biggest thing to remember is that this is YOUR wedding, not anyone else’s. So even though the cost may be shared between several different people, outside of you and your fiancée, this big day belongs to you.
